She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
