Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
