I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
