are you still at the devil's house?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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