They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
