is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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