if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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