I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The uberlube is also flammable
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize