dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
