rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
