Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
