the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
