I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
