I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize