she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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