I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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