I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
