:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
