Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
