He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
