So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
