That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
