White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
