so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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