i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
