Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
