a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When are your genitals available?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
