She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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