dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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