the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
how does that bad decision feel?
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