sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
