He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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