mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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