i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
