are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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