i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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