I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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