I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
