So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
