not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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