I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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