You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
