Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there was a trapeze. enough said
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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