ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
