if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
