i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dear god my vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
