dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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