she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize