Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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