We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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