That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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