I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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