How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
