She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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