I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
