i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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