your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
