fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
