you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
