it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize