This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
