I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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