Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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