I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
