He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
