my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
