i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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