Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
