and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
