wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
