Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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