i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
