My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
