Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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