Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
